Why choose to Foster? Foster Adopt?

I have been rolling around dozens if not hundreds of questions around in my head for the last six months or so. The big question? How do we choose? Adopting Internationally, Domestically, Foster Adopt?

It's hard because let's face it, there is a huge need in all of those areas for loving, nurturing and providing families. No child is more loved and desired than the next by God.

So I've struggled to find answers. I have had the honor of recently meeting several Ethiopian adoptive families including the Shubin Clan and the Walser's. We also have friends from church who started the process to adopt from Ethiopia. Hearing all of their stories and seeing their beautiful children tugged at my heart strings. But there was no clear and loud direction.

We adopted the first two times through domestic situations and while I wouldn't change any of it the process wasn't painless. Recently we have seen domestic situations go miraculously well and heartbreakingly bad. We wondered if we should do things differently this time around.

Then we started thinking about Foster Adoption. Fostering and Foster Adoption can truly have bad stigma attached. Sometimes when I mention Foster Adoption to people they physically cringe before they go off on how dangerous and unpredictable the process is. The truth is, adoption is not predictable in any way, shape or form. There is nothing expected about adoption. This is true Internationally, Domestically and in the Foster system. Just look at the turmoil now in Ethiopian adoption. Many families waiting on their referral or travel are waiting and hoping things don't fall apart.

The truth is, when I think about Foster Care/Adoption I am scared. Scared of being vulnerable. Scared because I don't know much about it. Scared because of all of the unknown, unpredictable and unexpected outcomes. Scared at the unbelievable lack of control that I would have.

You see, when you adopt through an agency or even an attorney you sign paper work, you start the process and at some point you wait to be "referred" or "picked" by a birth family. You work, then you wait, then you are matched and then you have a child.

With Foster Adoption it's a bit different. You go to an orientation meeting. You start a 10 week process to be trained to Foster. Then you complete a home-study through the State which takes longer and is more involved (or so I'm told). Then you wait. Wait, not to be chosen or referred but wait for a child to either be removed from their parents long enough for the parents to work to get them back and fail...therefore having their rights terminated. Or you wait until there is a situation where the parents rights are terminated on the spot for something so horrible as to not give them a second chance. Then, you get a call and-bam. There you are. Faced with the choice to take that child or wait for the next.

Just typing those words are scary. but then I see a video like this and I realize...for all the fear and anxiety I face about the process and all of the unknowns, how much worse is it for the child who doesn't even know if they will ever have a permanent home again, or someone to love and care for them maybe even for the very first time in their life. And, to think, if there were more families willing to open their arms to Foster, Foster Adopt or just support their local Foster Families, this little boys story might have been so different....



Here is a great blog post by WeLoveOurLucy discussing some of the facts about Adopting through Foster Care and Fostering:
http://weloveourlucy.blogspot.com/2010/07/why-arent-we-all-foster-parents.html

Project Hopeful and Aids/HIV Adoption

Did you know that in a normal family setting there has never been a case of a child transmitting HIV or Aids from their sibling?

This organization is truly inspirational and is educating and advocating for orphans who suffer from HIV and Aids from around the globe. Do your part and spread the word, purchase Project Hopeful gear or donate.

 HIV is totally preventable.

Love makes someone family

We have known Gwen and Don since 2000. They have been dear friends through thick and thin and we have gone through a lot together. Including infertility, adoption and just general "life". I could not ask for better friends and a better support system. They are compassionate, loving, committed, fun and just plain great. They are family. They are family because they love us like family, and we love them like family. There is nothing that bonds people together more closely than doing life together, the good and the bad and though for at least half of the time we have known them they have lived in other places they are always connected in some way and we cherish that.

This year we decided to do our Disney vacation together so that we could actually be together with our families! It was so much fun. The kids had a wonderful time and made great memories. We enjoyed just being around them and sharing family time with them and their beautiful children. My sister Aly also came along to help out and it was wonderful to have her around! These are my favorite people! I have missed my peeps:-)

Here are some highlights from the trip...

Isn't my mom cute?:-)

Just had to point out that the picture I used for my header is a picture of my mom when she was a little girl. So cute! She baked lots of birthday cakes when I was a child, in many ways my passion for motherhood and adoption started with with my mom, Shery. She is an inspirational woman who mothered 10 children.

When things don't go my way....

I am not going to lie...I am not a patient person by nature. When I found out in November that we had to wait until the end of January to get started on our adoption process I threw a little fit (this my husband will attest to!). I wanted to get the ball rolling {NOW}. I think that most of us are that way by nature. We figure out what we want and it's like a fly to a light we are so focused on the goal ahead of us that we lose sight of the important things along the way (like remembering to not drive our spouse crazy).

Well, today is the day we are scheduled for our orientation meeting and as you can tell by yesterdays post I was really excited and looking forward to getting to that step in our journey.

And then, my beautiful and lovely daughter got sick with the flu....and gave that flu to me!

I am not feeling well and generally worn out because I've been up the last two nights nursing her back to health with medicine, fluids and snuggling. On top of that I am stressed out because I have assignments due and seriously lack the energy or time to do them. I also am supposed to start interning on Tuesday in a third grade class and will not be able to do so if I am still contagious!

So, I started to feel real sorry for myself this morning. I was bummed out and just pouty (this my husband will attest to as well). Then I got to thinking about the other times in my life that I have been at this point of looking into adoption. Let me tell you about those times...

When I was a girl I knew I wanted to be a mom. I played with dolls, adored babies and knew that I'd be a mom one day. When I got married I couldn't wait to have a baby. I was so anxious for it that I had a really hard time waiting until my husband was ready. When we started trying I did not get pregnant. After a year I did not get pregnant. We tried IVF and I failed to give birth.

Then, we decided to adopt. We made some calls, did some research and found a wonderful agency in our town. We signed up and then we waited (not long though). It was about 4 months when we got the call that we were chosen. About 5 months later we were parents to our son "Mighty" who is our pride and joy. We didn't plan on things happening that way...didn't frankly want things to go that way at first. But I wouldn't change it for the world and the heavens today because I have my dear son. He was God's plan for us.

Then, we started to think about a second child about the time that M turned 14 months old. We thought that because adoptions generally take longer for a second child that we would need to plan for at-least a year of waiting for a child. We knew we wanted a girl. We did some looking around, spoke with some agencies and even met with a couple of them. Then, we got a call one day from an angel (named Kelli), she connected us with an adoption attorney (named Lee, another angel) who was looking for a home for a baby girl that was due in 8 weeks time. Wow, just....wow. We didn't plan on things going the way they did. We were a mess in those weeks leading up to Princess's birth but...wow...God does some seriously amazing things for His children. 6 short weeks later we met our daughter. She was every single thing we had hoped for and prayed for in a little girl. She is perfect for us.

 I was upset about today at first and then I realized that if things always went the way we wanted and intended them to go that our beautiful children would never have become ours. I am excited to get this ball rolling, but I am ok that it isn't today.

Looking into Foster Adoption

I have been so excited this week. I'm excited because tomorrow night we are going to an orientation meeting with our local Foster Adoption agency called Camelot.

This meeting will be the beginning of our journey towards our next child. I don't have a lot of information yet but I do know that we are hoping to adopt a boy, up to 2 years old and that it may take a really long time for him to come into our lives.

The way Foster Adoption works is when a parent's rights are terminated the child may become eligible for adoption through the state. Parental rights are rarely terminated until a year of "trying" to get their life in order to get their child back. Because of that, many times kids do not become available for adoption until they are older, usually 4 to 5 and older. We are holding out hope that God knows the perfect child for us and that things will go according to His plan.

We do have our eyes and ears open to other possibilities as well but we are hopeful that we will find our son through this process. It takes 10 weeks to go through the training program, then the home-study update, then just waiting. Please pray for us. While excitement and anticipation are the emotions I am feeling now, I know that those emotions can be turned into frustration and impatience. Fortunately we know that God has been knitting our family together like an intricate web from the very beginning and we have faith and hope in His design for our children's lives.

Are you considering Foster Adoption? Have you Foster Adopted? I would love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.


I found this blog with some wonderful resources and information on Adoption and Foster Adoption: Another Small Adventure

Messes Become Lessons

Is there a moment in each day when you take time to consider how lovely and beautiful your kids are? I don't do this enough but lately I have been thinking so much about appreciating the good in my children, even when they are doing "bad things" or being messy. Part of the reason I've been thinking about this is that as part of my class assignments I have been considering my own childhood and the things about my childhood that shaped who I am today. There are qualities of mine that made for a challenging child but I wouldn't be me if I didn't sneak into my mom's cabinets for lipstick and nail polish or make a mess in the kitchen because I wanted to "make" something.

My desire for my children is that they learn to love the unique parts of themselves so that they can flourish into the beautiful people that God created them to be. Sometimes that means taking a deep breath and realizing that, while it may be messy, annoying, frustrating, down right bang your head aggravating, kids are kids. They do things to explore and discover who they are and what they are good at. Life is just one big lesson and what good would those lessons be if we never made a mess or missed the mark. Sometimes the best parts of life are the unexpected discoveries.

Next time you are getting ready to lose your temper or face a challenge with your kids ask yourself, is he just being a kid or is he being rebellious. I bet most of the time the answer will the the former. If it is just childish behavior use it as a lesson and not a punishment. Grace and understanding goes a long way to build trust and respect in a parent/child or even student/teacher relationship.

And for a fun "messy" project to do with your kids check out Darling Clementine's Messy Outdoor Art